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Promenading on the Fine Line

Sunday, July 30, 2017 @ 10:39 PM
Darkness & light.

A vulnerable anecdote that I can honestly relate so deeply to. Because depression is a difficult story to share, and it's a blemish that's hard to cover up or to erase, until you begin to accept it and learn how to grow from it. For missus Mari, it was through time apart for herself she found how to love through her own dance, and that's such a beautiful thing to be able to witness. It gives me such a whole 'nother perspective on her choreography, and her very words are like a beacon of light that I've been relentlessly searching for in this thick, heavy fog.

"I had a lot of issues stemming from me not feeling adequate, in really key aspects of me as a person; as a wife, as a woman, and as a creative. So we began to create. If you go on youtube and search “Keone and Mari, Preface” you will find, at least for me, a huge part of how I healed from that time. I made work. I made work away from Keone as a way to find myself again. I had to process all of these very tough mental cycles that I had been spinning in for half my life. What’s amazing to me is that God used dance to help me understand it all. To put back the pieces and to teach Keone and I how to love each other better, but now I see even more, how to love myself. How to care for myself. And the fact that it really does START there. Just me and God understanding love of self in that very intimate sense before it can even really begin to reach out to anyone else.

And here’s the crazy thing, it worked. Confidence I never dreamed of having began to grow. My faith began to solidify. My sense of self changed and this affected how I saw other people. I felt like I had a new boldness and a motivation to create. My drive shot through the roof. And now there’s this beautiful peace at the very core of me that never existed before. Of course I don’t expect things to always be this way, in fact they haven’t. I still will have a bad day with depression or a bad week. However this combination of professional help, support from my husband and family, and a better understanding of how to manage these dips, I feel greater than ever. Greater because I have a new strength and a better understanding. And as a result, our marriage just sprouted. Like we had spent 8 years growing this one tree and in the span of a few months God grew a forest."

In the end, everything will be okay; one day I'll be able to tame this very darkness and learn how to navigate through the dense fog. And that's really all I need to remember—to keep on hoping, to keep on thriving.