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Promenading on the Fine Line


Sunday, February 26, 2017 @ 7:14 PM
Air Chrysalis

Yesterday night I fell asleep listening to 1Q84. I was exhausted from the day, but I wanted to continue diving into the story, so for the first time I listened to something as I drifted off to a deep slumber--needless to say, I had very... surreal dreams, a large variety of them. Normally, I don't remember any of my dreams, nor do I recall experiencing them. I set several alarms in the morning to wake myself up, so each time I woke up, pressed the snooze button, and lulled back to sleep, it would be a different dream or even a continuation of the previous dream. It was such an interesting adventure that I didn't want to wake from. How often does this happen, you know?

I remember I was with you, in moments of terror, in moments of silence, in moments of suspense, in moments of pure tranquility. I felt like I was in Aomame's shoes half the time, and the other half in my own, but in such a... strange setting. A segment of my dream consisted of people who were split in half with some weapon if they were caught by the officials. Another segment people's heads began to expand and turned into clown faces. Another segment I was laying on such a lovely patch of grass as the sun was setting, sitting nearby the river and having an intimate conversation. All of these events, you were with me and I held onto you so closely, hand in hand or at most, just a phone call away. I felt like I was connected to you, that you were in the present with me, that you were willing--it felt so entirely real. I felt like I could trust you; and for the first time in a long time, I felt my heart flutter and my cheeks flush; like I couldn't stop internally smiling. But why? Why were you there? Was it even you at all, or was I just simply wishing that it was you? Who was I, really? Was I just playing Aomame's part where, she, by chance, found Tengo as society began to fall into ruin? Why did this happen?
The dream before I finally woke up was such a suspenseful one; it was like I was facing my turn in death as they were slowly approaching our direction; as if we were almost chosen to go next. It was... scary. My first reaction upon waking was to call you and ask if you were okay. But of course, I resisted as I convinced myself that the short yet long rings would turn into your usual voicemail and then went about my day in a daze.

I don't know; I'm at the point in the story where I'm beginning to realize that Tengo was the childhood boy that Aomame never let go of, latching onto that glimmer of hope that one day they will cross paths again. I think I'm understanding that their lives are parallel to each other, but how far apart are they, and are they slowly converging? Is Aomame's story actually the novel Tengo's wrote? The moment this realization clicked, I was so enthralled.

This is such a great book to escape life's stresses with T___T <3

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