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Promenading on the Fine Line


Friday, April 24, 2015 @ 2:20 AM
22 years young.


22 balloons and 22 roses.

It's amusing how attraction works, and how we try to reason out why we choose the individuals we embrace.

On a superficial level, it is usually their physical attributes that capture our attention: height, smile, hair, fashion sense. A conversation runs through, and then the personality traits reveal themselves a bit more: sense of humour, attention to details, priorities, beliefs. And even further, there's the less evident things. The less evident moments that I try to understand about you. The conversations unsaid, the words unspoken: that smile after you amuse yourself, your unceasing, ever-searching gaze to find mine, the silence and stare you present after a mention--although so abridged in dialouge, these ambiguities give us so much room for our mind to dwell. So open to interpretion, these exact, silent moments feed our imaginations and fuel this desire.

This is what keeps me latching on to you after we part, when we are no longer in each others company. It undeniably keeps me wondering, pondering, reflecting when I leave you in the morning, or when I walk home alone at night. But it's funny how we--I recall the more concrete aspects when I immediately think of you: what you did during the day, your not-so-funny joke, the small, intimate moments of affection. We consciously place these said attractions in a place where we believe is the root of the attraction, when in actuality the true attraction is developed elsewhere. We're not fully aware that we are pulled in by those reactionary smiles following a tease, or by those wandering eyes. It is that interim where our desire is stored, cherished, and transformed.

So, at what specific moment in our lives will that attraction mature into love? How does one truly know that they are in love? When will one figure out, and not confuse it for pure desire? How does one truly love?

This is another conversation for another time. I am currently searching for answers in an abyss; but I hope in this vast space given, I'll continue to grow in many directions and eventually encompass an answer, even if it ends up being fragmented.

Retracing back to my initial reaction of your surprise, I cannot tell you enough how special and unique you make me feel. I seldom become frustrated at times, yes, but you make me grow in ways I never would have considered--one day I'll bloom as beautifully as these roses, and in the end (if there ever is), I'd be more than happy to mention that you were a part of my growth--my personal journey.

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