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Promenading on the Fine Line


Sunday, April 14, 2013 @ 4:35 AM
...

I'm so tired of school.
I've been working so hard throughout my life. I think this college point is my melting point. I'm trying so hard to be the best that I can be, but it's not working out. I'm so stressed, I'm so stressed. I'm so worried. I'm so tired. I've lost interest in everything and everyone who I once held close because my mind is occupied only on the present situation, and nothing else. I'm only an emotionless human being whose only function is to study for school. Why, why, why am I not gifted with the mindset I most desire?

My lost interests has gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. It's so sad; this is the person who I never wanted to be. I cared too much about others, and in the process I lose myself, so now I am struggling to pick myself up and put myself together. But at the same time I am ignoring everyone and everything. I constantly worry about my grades, major, academia, resumes, applications, interviews, research... I can't do this.
I've lost faith. I don't know what to do anymore, and I don't know who to go to without being judged.
I've became so antisocial because of this; I can't help but keep on worrying about myself, leaving no room to care about others. I can't even hang with my best friend anymore because I can't manage myself. It's so damn sad. I don't know what to do anymore. Goddamnit, what happened to me? I thought this semester was going better than I thought. Seems like I was only living in a fantasy.

I'm really, really depressed deep inside. It's really sad... I don't know how to feel anymore.

Berkeley has given me the best of times, and the worst of times. This, is one of them.

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