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Promenading on the Fine Line


Wednesday, September 26, 2012 @ 5:19 PM
Don't you worry child.

I vent too damn much nowadays, and it's the beginning of the damn year at my favorite school in the world. Like, everything's so boring. Yes, there are some spices here and there in my life, but everything is so... mundane. Everything. Apartment life, REACH! life, VSA life, and most certainly my academic life... And honestly the main spice that keeps me truckin' is him. I'm excited for Rotaract too, but I can already see its end goal; there is not really "learning," but only experiencing and volunteering. And most definitely Let's Rise, but the transitioning process could've been so much better; I felt like everything was so rushed at our first general meeting, and at our last one too. I miss Pauline&&Tony.
As coordinators, I think it is their responsibility to make the interns feel comfortable with themselves being in the space and with each other in the beginning before getting right into business, and unfortunately my Let's Rise coordinators haven't been doing that. Maybe I was spoiled with such caring coordinators last year. I personally don't think our meetings can only be an hour; they should last an hour and a half at the least--an hour dedicated to logistical things, and a half hour opening it up for personal discussion and educating ourselves with the issues within our education system.
Wow I really went off tangent.

Anyways, yeah, unfortunately my life wasn't as amazing like last year... Nothing can ever replace that feeling of being happily overwhelmed by new things left and right and all around me.
I've always thought that by obtaining a complete new set of friends, they would equal an entirely new experience. Almost entirely true, somewhat. Of course, I would always have my homeskillets close to my heart, but something inside me is yearning for a new adventure.

WELL I AM A PRACTICING BUDDHIST, THEREFORE I SHOULD FOLLOW BUDDHIST IDEALS AND JUST WALLOW IN MY SUFFERING AND LET GO OF EVERYTHING THAT TEMPORARILY MAKES ME HAPPY IN ORDER TO TRULY ACHIEVE ULTIMATE HAPPINESS WHERE LIFE IS APPRECIATED AND NEVER TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

Allllriiighttt, time to hunt for a single room for next year and be awkward! But das sho expensive :( Honestly, I think I need a break from everything so I don't take everything for granted, which I am so totally doing right now, goddamnit. I'm not usually like this, wtf is going on?
All of my art pieces in class have been depicting some very obscure, slightly depressing/serious undertones and I didn't realize until as of recently when I was brainstorming for my Identity project.

Who am I really, and why do I have such apparent dual personalities? I'm sure no one would like me if I purely talked critically about life (pretty much my blog), but there is my alter ego that attempts to make everything sunshine and rainbows in person... Such blatant chiaroscuros, and why do these polar forces reside within me? Am I fake, too? No... even my happiness is tainted with the sullen truths of reality. And I know that. And others close to me can see that too.

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