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Promenading on the Fine Line

Monday, May 14, 2012 @ 1:29 AM
To you, with love.

Looking back at old things, reading the little notes, cards, and letters; they all bring up a sort of nostalgia. Sometimes, they are bittersweet. Sometimes, it's not even nostalgia and considered simply the past. Other times, it's a loving memory.
I really love long letters. Just lots of writing. (Except for long novels for class, now that's an entirely different story...) Just enough writing where I can see your process and train of thought and understand how you truly feel. I always tend to write a lot, just because, well, I personally think it's meaningful to spend time pouring yourself onto paper for someone to read. Those who received a letter from me should know. Sometimes I think it's too much, and that the reader will mind my small and lengthy letter, but that is what makes me I suppose.
Not too long ago I was packing up to leave my nest once more to the unknown depths of Berkeley. I found the old letters and cards I packed to come back home. I read several, and it was honestly a rollercoaster of emotions. No, actually, it was just switching amongst regret, sadness with a tinge of hurt, happiness, and love.
But there was one particularly long letter from a dear friend of mine who I hold very close to my heart... And reading this letter never fails to make my heart break. The first time I received it and read it, my eyes watered, but I was with someone at the time so I held it back. It was too painful, this letter. I never looked at it again; I merely stuffed it in my drawer, planning to never read it again, but for some reason I took it with me to USC.
Now that I found it again, I thought why not reread everything I've gotten again, just for the sake of temporarily reliving the past, and the same letter broke my heart even more, leaving me with tears. This time, the pain was too much. It was too painful. The writing is the same. The content is the same. So why did it hurt more this time around?
It was because... Now, I believe that things will never be the same way again.
Your words, so gentle, so beautiful, so pure and honest and full of love... Why did this have to happen?