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Promenading on the Fine Line


Sunday, May 22, 2011 @ 11:18 PM
...?

Ughh.
I don't know if it's just how I feel right now, but I really, really...

If your heart's set onto something, you'd try your very best to make it happen, right?

...right?

Well, in that case... I'm a pretty heartless person.
Or, maybe I think about the other side too much. Should I become selfish? Maybe I'm too selfless.

I'm not worth wasting time with. I'm not depreciating myself; it's true--because you won't receive the same effort you put in.
I feel really bad. She pours all her love for me, but I don't return an equivalent amount. I have no one to blame but myself...
I used to say time and schedule were always a problem, but no, I realized, it's just... me.

I really need to change. The real question is, am I willing to?
I'm really afraid of getting too attached to people. I feel that, once I get to know someone really well, something comes up in my life that I have to ignore that person for a long period of time, and in the end we both get hurt, but I end up hurting more because I know it's my fault for letting the distance grow stronger and not doing anything about it.

It makes me wonder if I'm going to have any best friends in college. I have a feeling I'm going to lose all of my current ones right now. I know relationships definitely won't work out with my current mentality, and I'm beginning to doubt whether if I can even maintain a good friendship.

I just shouldn't get too involved with others, I guess. Acquaintances are nice, I suppose. Mutual feelings will suffice, I think.

Ehh, my life. I don't know what the hell happened to me. I swear I wasn't like this a couple years ago.
My heart was open, willing to love, willing to give happiness.
Now it's closed off; it stopped caring. Who knows why, or how. Now I only want time alone.

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