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Promenading on the Fine Line


Saturday, December 16, 2017 @ 8:41 PM
Surfacing;

Update: I'm alive and kicking!
I can't express how grateful I am to have such a wonderful support system, even when I don't think I even deserve an ounce of it. I've been focusing so much on myself that sometimes I forget to think about others, so when people give me encouragement out of the blue, it really takes me by surprise.

I'm so excited for this year and the following years; I feel myself growing, learning, and endlessly loving. I can't wait to spread this happiness around and doing what I want to do from now on! :)

tldr; apps are (almost) over and I'm going to have the best year off I can possibly make it ♥

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Sunday, November 26, 2017 @ 2:48 AM
LAJFDKNSDKNG

T MINUS 1 DAY AND I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A FCKING PANIC ATTACK OHMYGODDDDDDADFJSJLNGLJFGNFldkjgknfdjngKJSDNSLKJFNLSDKFJN FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

MY FUTURE IS ON THE LINE E E EE EE EEEEE

I haven't felt this anxious about anything in such a long time I CAN'T I CAN'T

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Saturday, November 25, 2017 @ 5:19 AM
One day!

It's 5am in the morning, 2 days before my OAT,

and here I am thinking what it would be like to live in Japan.

I juuuust found Rachel & Jun on youtube (I was first drawn into Jun's cooking, which led me to their cats, which led me to them as a couple, hohoho) and it really made me consider to live there for a long period of time! I've been playing around with the thought, especially seeing how Lauren from TH is Chinese/European and was really motivated to learn the language/culture in hopes to live there one day (which she successfully accomplished now).

For the past few months I've been meaning to look into art residency programs in Japan, but that would mean I would really need to be dedicated to my art full time if I want to make an outstanding, competitive portfolio. I've been way too busy trying to get my grad school applications together so I haven't even done an ounce of research... Or, maybe if I get into optometry school, they'll allow my rotations to be stationed in Japan, so that way I can do my thang as a doc AND have a meaningful time there.

Or maybe, I should just find and marry a charming gentleman in Japan; that seems to be the easiest, least stressful option, hehe.

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Thursday, November 16, 2017 @ 8:53 PM
Tubular??

ok so like

I was reviewing/studying up on animal biology
and it just occurred to me

that we are freaking tubes. TUBES. just like worms. we're just complex tubes that grew more layers of tissue around the tube.

mind.

blown.

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Saturday, November 11, 2017 @ 7:12 PM
2:35am

The way back home was cold--it was dark, it was empty. The winds were chilly, and leaves floated by my feet and quickly said hello before landing and resting again. My back was aching from the heavy backpack and my arms tired from lugging the large prep books around. I wanted to drop everything and just. breathe. I looked up into the night sky, and I saw how clear the stars were. Suddenly, I just wanted to lie in the patch of grass beside me and just stare into the their brightness. I watched how slowly the clouds drifted, and how I wished my life could move just as slowly. I'm just so tired. I so desperately wanted to collapse into a deep slumber and never wake up with the stars blanketing my very being. But I can't. Not yet, not yet. You need to do this; you can do this. I drift into this lulling daze every waking moment, tired from the lack of sleep and late nights studying and busy days doing work.

But it's okay. I'll stay alive. Somehow, someway, I'll reignite the spark; just 2 more weeks of hell and then another week of post-hell and then finally I can focus on myself and do everything I've wanted these past few months.

I can't wait for this to be over!
Happiness is a month away T___T


#fighting

PS Happy 11/11; don't forget to make a wish, and wish passionately

thinking of you,
a dreamer

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Monday, November 6, 2017 @ 11:10 PM
weeee

pointless update:

ALL MY LETTER OF REC WRITERS OFFICIALLY SAID THEY'LL HAPPILY WRITE ME ONE YISSSSSS MY DAY AND MONTH IS MADEEEEEEEE

no more stressing out about finding science profs to write me letters THIS WAS SO HARD I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU THE DAILY STRUGGS AND CONSTANT WORRY AND THE NEVERENDING "they haven't responded for x hours!! y days! Z WEEKS!!!! should I email them a reminder or would that seem too bothersome or annoying I JUST WANT THEM TO LOVE MEEEE"

my god it's worse than waiting for a text from that crush you like 'cause this time your very future depends on them


(bless their very souls)

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@ 9:45 PM
Vultures.

Moffitt is like a game of musical chairs. All these prized seats--many, hungry students idling around them, waiting for someone, anyone, to randomly get up and then all of our heads turn and aim to claim that coveted seat. No spots are left untouched for more than a hot minute. It's a crazy world in here.

#musings

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