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Promenading on the Fine Line


Friday, August 18, 2017 @ 10:14 PM
Resist.

I knew you were always magical, Mr. Chuck Close.

In a statement Friday, a White House spokeswoman said that Mr. Trump was going to disband the panel anyway.

“While the committee has done good work in the past, in its current form it simply is not a responsible way to spend American tax dollars,” the statement read.

Well fuck you too.

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Wednesday, August 16, 2017 @ 1:40 PM
Lullaby.



Found this lovely gem again; sounds just as amazing as it did the first time ♥

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@ 1:41 AM
Morrie.

Nowadays I react so sensitively to any sort of evident passion (read: I'm now a big crybaby). Someone could be telling me about how much they appreciate their parents and if I could feel a hint of their adoration towards their parents, my eyes begin to water. Lately I've been crying in response to happy events; even in movies (especially love stories) if the scene hits me right in the happy feelz, no doubt will my eyes begin to swell.

I've been slowly reading Tuesdays With Morrie (thx A) and I've been savoring every chapter, word for word. I read mainly on my work commute, and each time I open up the book, I never fail to cry. I can feel the concerned stares aside me, and I try my hardest to hold back the tears but the book touches my heart so much each time that I can't help it. The silliest part of it all is that the book is filled with life lessons from a man (Morrie) who views the world so passionately and optimistically--there's really no reason to cry. But perhaps it is because he reminds me of someone I know (coughJPcough) and I too, view him the way Mitch (author) views Morrie. Of course, our relationship hasn't gotten as deep as theirs, but my god do I adore that man to death. I am thankful for every moment I spend with him and am happy that he and his wife are in good spirits and health. Such an encounter is so rare for me, and I feel so blessed to be taken under his wing so lovingly.

I don't know. Maybe I just feel the many other facets of love, and because I've been dealing with my depression, I feel extremely thankful that I get to experience that same feeling of passion, firsthand or secondhandedly--they're all the same to me. Like, I get so happy that I get to feel that same happiness that I could cry--you know?

So thank you to those dear souls who shine so radiantly and let me be a witness of your brightness. I wish you could feel the deep gratitude I have from your very decision to even interact with me.

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Tuesday, August 15, 2017 @ 5:22 PM
Pre-production

I think the best part about working as a doctor's assistant is the networking--I've had so many opportunities to meet big members of the art world as well as local art producers, who in turn take their time to help me out T___T Recently a patient, who is the director of a play/musical in San Francisco recruited me to help design/paint their backdrops etc etc. Moments like these make me so happy and excited ;-;

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Sunday, August 13, 2017 @ 9:05 PM
Hazel.

I went home to socal and stumbled upon the 'flowers' you gave me. I took it with me back to the bay, and didn't know what to do with it.

I had the urge to make macarons purely with the hazelnut flour, something I haven't done as macarons are mainly made with almond flour, but I took a chance and worked with it. I was worried since it's been years since I made macarons, and I'm not sure how the humidity in the apartment would treat the cookies pre-bake. With a lot of patience and carefulness, they came out absolutely beautiful, and by themselves they taste lovely and comforting. I combined the cookies with vietnamese coffee ganache I made, and they tasted even more ravishing. I know you don't like sweets, but I know you'd at least appreciate the rich, comforting flavor of freshly brewed viet drip coffee made into a ganache with white chocolate as its base, combined with the crispy shell and the soft, dense, and familiar flavors of the hazelnut flour.

I really really wish you could try some;

maybe another time.

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Wednesday, August 9, 2017 @ 11:30 AM
You



Old, but still smooth and enjoyable af.
Can't wait to see him (& snakehips) live kekekekkkk

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Wednesday, August 2, 2017 @ 12:14 AM
Over the edge.

Today was the first time I ever mentally broke down at work. I didn't break down completely where I collapsed and cried a river, but the stress at work punctured a hole in me and it caused a leak and my lips to quiver, right in front of the doc and manager, while she was telling me that I need to be more aware of my time, being inefficient.
For the first time ever I couldn't maintain my composure, especially in front of people who I never want to let down. All the stresses came crashing down as the end of the day approached, and we needed to be somewhere at a specific time but all the things that could happen, happened. I was running behind on my tasks as I was still trying to complete the unfinished work from yesterday and I was swamped with orders and requests and repairing and adjusting glasses left and right. I was growing frustrated towards the last patient because I couldn't thoroughly communicate with him as he only understood Chinese, and the staff and I were running late. I didn't want to rush him as it was his first time ever getting an eye exam in his life, and I respected the fact that he went out of his comfort zone to do so in the first place as minorities tend to view eye exams as unnecessary and therefore neglect them. But I felt so helpless, and I wanted to help, but I was growing impatient at everything, not to mention I needed to do so many things left and right, and we were running late to our next destination. All of this was happening while my manager was growing irritated towards me, causing me to feel more pressured and guilty and helpless. I really. just. couldn't.

I worked alone in the front and as the day progressed, I felt like I reached the breaking point and desperately wanted to cry, apologizing for my inefficiency today. I wanted to apologize for not being adequate enough and more skilled, and that I wanted to get better. But I couldn't say anything because as soon as words came out of my mouth, tears began streaming down my face. I have a huge problem asking for help from certain people, and it really all has to do with my pride and willingness to impress that I could self manage. Today was not a good day to let my pride reign over me, and I learned the hard way that I need to ask for help in times such as these.

Despite all of this, deep down I appreciate that I was able to experience this in such a setting; it was an overwhelming day that I wouldn't have experienced elsewhere other than customer service. It was truly a test of my capacity and a good experience of what it could be like when it's my turn to treat patients. Only from this struggle comes with growing, positive experience. I will not let myself become so consumed any longer.

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